Stone

If you wanted to give someone high blood pressure there probably isn't a better way of going about it than to send them a letter telling them that they're overdue for a blood pressure check that was never due and giving them a 9am appointment. When they arrive at 8.55am you should leave them sitting for 15 minutes and then call them in. Don't apologise for the delay but do make it clear that this is your first appointment of the day. Don't introduce yourself but do tell the person to sit uncomfortably. Now tell them to relax. That always works.

When your electronic measuring doofer doesn't work, say something reassuring like "that often happens to people with high blood pressure" and when the patient replies "I don't have high blood pressure" you should respond with, "according to this you do" (the machine that wasn't working a second ago). Finally, when the patient says, "I measure it at home and it's around 117/78" you should say something along the lines of "yes, we often find people have high measurements in the office, especially men" but don't ever wonder what the point is of getting people to come to the surgery if you know that it often results in readings that are wrong. No, just send them away.