Love and marriage...

Love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This I tell ya, brother...
You can't have one without the other.

Love and marriage,
Love and marriage...
(gunshot)

---

Married...With Children has been one of my favorite shows for as long as I can remember.

---

Some good lines from the show:

Peggy: Oh, Al, [they] think I'm sexy!
Al: I would, too, if I had whiskey for breakfast.

Peggy: Tell me you love me, Al!
Al: I love football. I love beer. Let's not cheapen the meaning of the word.

[Al is on trial for assault]
Kelly: Your Honor, I'm here to defend my daddy. D is for daddy. A... is for daddy. D is for daddy, Y is for daddy, I is for daddy, WE is for daddy. The defense breasts!
Al: Uh, Your Honor, if there is a valid lawsuit here, it should be Bundy vs. the Board of Education, because she actually graduated high school!

Al: Peg, do we really need Christmas icicles? It's May.
Peggy: Well you'll thank me in December.
Al: Only if you leave me in November.

Jefferson: Since the wives are downtown feeding dinners to the homeless, shouldn't we be at the nudie bar feeding dollars to the topless?

Peggy: Al, how come you never send me roses?
Al: I don't like you, Peg.

Al: Marcy, haven't you ever got up in the morning and realize something was missing? Of course you do, you must when you open your pajama top.
Marcy: Or your pajama bottom.

Jefferson: You're a Bundy and if you put a D where the N is, you're a buddy.
Al: And if you put an N where the D is, I'm a bunny. What's your point?

Kelly: God, I can't believe I have to go to work at 10 tomorrow.
Bud: [mocking Kelly] AM or BM?
Kelly: BM. Why can't they just call it "PM", for "Post Meridian"?

Peggy: Al, don't tell me you're calling the...
Al: [On the phone] Police?
Peggy: Well at least don't tell them that you're...
Al: Al Bundy here. I'd like to report a missing apple. No, not some stupid computer, I'm talking about a fruit. I know it's not a donut, but it's important to me.
[to Peg]
Al: They're transfering me to the Chief of Stolen Produce. Hello, who is this? Lt. Granny Smith? You sound like that Officer Jalopy I talked to when I called to report the Dodge missing... Okay, that's it. I'm calling the mayor. Er, who is the mayor?
[Writes down name]
Al: "McCheese". Okay you're in trouble now, Buddy, I voted for him.
[Hangs up]
Al: And they say you can't fight city hall.

Peggy: Question two. Who would you rather spend the night with? A - your wife, or B...
Al: B.

Bud: I was caught having sex in the college library.
Al: All right. That's my boy.
[Starts shaking Bud's hand]
Al: Who's the lucky girl?
Bud: You're shaking her.

[A frumpy middle-aged woman walks into Al's shoe store]
Woman: I need shoes.
Al: Blacksmith's right around the corner.

Al: I hate those complaint boxes they put in at the mall. A woman comes in the shoe store today, so huge she's protected by 'Green Peace', and ask for a size-4 shoe. So I asked her if she wants to eat them there or take them home, and she has the nerve to complain about my performance.
Peggy: Honey, I complain about your performance all the time... you don't care. Sometimes you don't even wake up.
Al: Well unlike sex with you Peg, this is important to me.

Kelly: Daddy?
Al: What is it, pumpkin?
Kelly: Yeah, I just got a call from the doctor. I'm dying. I have Bolivia. The doctor says it's terminus.
Al: How long do you have, pumpkin?
Kelly: Until Christmas day, and the only known cure is a good present. One from the $225-$275 price range.

---

Ah, I can't get enough of Al Bundy.