Elementary my dear Toby

Following a recent crimewave that has spread across my mum's estate, the police have failed to bring any villains to book. Lastrade from Scotland Yard, looks on in wonder as Sherlock Holmes steps in to the witness box. The judge asks Holmes who, in his opinion, is responsible for the recent spate of burglaries.

"The culprit (explains Holmes), is a left handed balloon pilot from Moldova, who has recently returned from Camber Sands, where he was employed by the National geographical Society to conduct a complete topographical study of the coastline. He travelled back on a train that was delayed for exactly 27 minutes just outside Clapham Junction. He smokes B & H kingsize, collects novelty toothpicks, and speaks Welsh which he learnt whilst working in a coalmine near Llangollen from 1973-75. He has recently disposed of a Brother wordprocessor, which had a faulty ribbon spooler, and is considering investing in a will writing company based just outside Hindhead."

"And how on earth can you have deduced all this Mr. Holmes?" asked the flabbergasted Rt. Hon. Toby Jug, who had sat on the bench mum's shelf for 37 years, and had never been so impressed.

"Elementary your honour" retorted the esteemed sleuth. "He attempted to turn over my apartments this very morning. Watson stuck his service revolver into his stomach, and we called for Lestrade. Whilst waiting for him to arrive, he bored us stupid with both his life story, and his aspirations for his future."

"By Jove Mister Holmes!" blurted Lastrade, ".........you've done it again and no mistake!"