Secret Longing

It's on my bucket list. I deeply long to play music. To make music for myself. I took violin lessons at age 6. First recital: I had to stop to scratch the itch on my nose. People laughed (I don't blame them, it was cute) - I didn't want to play again. When I was 11 I took guitar lessons and was progressing pretty well, but then got scared..of what I do not know. Then when I was 30 I took group piano lessons for a couple of years. I even got through a couple of solo recitals in front of my classmates (avoided scratching the very real itch on my nose)...then let it slip through my fingers and lost it. When I was 40 I bought a cheap violin, in Spain, made in China, and never did anything with it.

I absolutely love listening to guitar music. Especially acoustic, unplugged guitar. I am in awe of musicians who play effortlessly. I want to do that, even if it's just for my own ears or maybe for my grand-children's ears.

I'm having a birthday this week and am feeling melancholy about it. Age is relative but the fact is there are only so many years left in my life. I asked myself last week, "What are you waiting for?" There are so many things I deeply desire to accomplish and yet I busy myself with daily work instead. Morning comes and my schedule is full. Nighttime comes and I'm tired. Day after day, it's the same thing. But it doesn't have to be. We make time in our lives for the things we really want to do. I really want to learn to play the guitar (and paint, and quilt, and knit, and farm, and do photography, and ...well, you get the idea).

I boldly announced this on FaceBook last week and something happened: I felt alive. I had feared being mocked. In fact, I did not even share this with my Taxman because he might inadvertently discourage me. "When are you going to practice?" He might say, in his logical way. No, instead I put the word out publicly and then started following some suggestions of very well-meaning and caring musician friends. No one laughed or mocked me. I found a local guitar shop that I didn't even know existed and met a very nice person named Rick who gently guided me in which guitar suited me best - some used, some new. He played each one for me a bit so I could hear the sound, the tone, and the character. He didn't try to up-sell me and he did not discourage me. He understood that for me there was a need to 'fall in love' with the instrument as well as keep it affordable. He offered assistance in guiding me to a teacher and then later wrote me an email wishing me luck with my 'new friend' (my words not his) and he thanked me.

I was so excited I could hardly wait to try her out at home. I've started teaching myself some chords and have been doing some practice scales to get my fingers in shape. I'm afraid to publicly say this but it feels natural and wonderful to hear the sounds coming from my new/used guitar. Although my finger tips are hurting even now as I type. I wonder how long it takes to develop callouses?

Anyone want to buy a cheap violin from Spain, made in China? Brand new, complete with case, bow, rosin, and all strings attached?

Tomorrow: Violin picture.