Dress.

This is Lesley wearing a tattoo style dress. I really liked it so I decided, right, blip time.

~

Just another stupid sickening decision, and I've reached it in the same way that I found out that this long track I've been idly following, finally ends in nothing but a brick wall, and a bright red sticky-note pinned up on the gritty stone, congratulating me for getting this far.

The whisper of the trees and patter of the rain against my little paving stones laid atop the gravel of my back yard, screams to me, in a peaceful surrender it offers to take me away. I stand here with a fat twisted cigarette, rolled by a friend, bulging with tobacco, I take it to my lips and I light it carelessly. Raise the white flag, I am done here.

Excavation of how I used to be, is a long and painful process, raising a shovel and stabbing it, into what I'd call my common ground. Slicing a pitchfork roughly amongst the memories I keep locked away in my head. Stitched into forgotten times, that you'd have to unpick carefully and slowly, to avoid tormenting the corpse that carries them.

I let the wind brush my hair out of my eyes, and it feels like at last I can see, until I realize that I was never looking at anything at all. As I walk inside and shake my hair out onto the wooden flooring, drips of water are flung through the air to land loudly against it's surface. I text you to tell you I love you, because I do, and you ought to know. I smile to myself because despite everything all the misery, the thought of your smile, gets me through the day.

I can live without you, but I don't want to. Anyone can live, without someone. Some of us just choose not to. If you're torn from me, part of me will be ripped jaggedly from my body and disappear, forever lost within your heart.

I'm in lesbians with you Bethan. Heh.