Control

Sitting alone most of the day gave me ample opportunity to wallow in self-pity. Spending time there only made me want to get out as quickly as possible, so I started challenging every thought that came into my mind. I started asking myself "Why?" why do I think this or why do I feel that...?

If you ever want to have a battle of voices in your head I challenge you to do the same. I could almost audibly argue with myself. It was as if my head was debating my heart and my body would occasionally concur with a loud "Here-Here!" when those moments arose ( though few) I made sure to jot down the ideas that I was in agreement with.

What, I would say, the vast majority of my debates came down to was control. How out of control am I willing to be? Not out of control like rebelling against authority (though in a spiritual sense...hmmmm)...but how much time am I willing to spend in the passenger seat while the Lord of hosts is behind the wheel? I would be the ultimate back-seat driver!!

Wouldnt it be wonderful if we could use a remote like this in our lives? Need a clearer picture, need to see the path more, need light shone in your direction? No problem, use the light button. Are things too bright, too much going on, need time to rest and feel peace? Of course, use the dim button! Life moving too fast, feel like you are in a whirlwind? Not to fret, just turn the fan to "low". That's a grand idea, and one I like very much. Because I have control. I hold the power to dictate my future. I have control over my circumstances. How helpless, lost and utterly useless I feel when I don't have the remote. "why?"

....oh boy....

How much time am I willing to let the great "I AM" have with the remote control? He definitely does a better job at timing the light, and exercises better judgement at utilizing the fan. I should definitely let him be keeper of the remote. Okay, Jesus. You take it.