Blackyard.

There's almost a mystical elegance to the filth of my flat's back garden. It's nice to go out and see exactly what I like to shoot right round the back of my house. Gotta love a cheap backdrop.

Having some vodka nights these days, it's the winter weather, I just consume millions of percents of vodka. Stupid really but it's warm I suppose. Despite the psychotic eposodes that always come at the end of the night. Need to go to the doctors about potential Bipolar again, it's getting serious this time, keep losing track of what i'm thinking unexplainably, moods shifting like the wind blows, it's no good.

Life's relatively stressful at the moment hence the lack of blipping. I am tired alot, keep forgetting to wake up on time for college. Who, speaking of college, are a bunch of arseholes, lost 2 months of my work so i had to do loads again, stupid.

Wish that I could go back to when I blipped regularly, it was lovely having this as my personal journal. Feels different now that I beat my depression, there's not so much madness in my head bursting to get out now so there's no way that I can write as purely and as honestly, because i've no stories worth telling. I'm trying to keep up to date but its hard when the siites changed and so have I. If i could go back I would make sure i stayed regular at posting. I miss my old life, back before i was gay, before I was older, before I was able to think for myself, I miss my youth, despite still being young, I feel I am losing who I used to be, after thinking I'd already lost myself once.

Strange that this 'new me' that I did not like only a year or so ago, has become home, comfortable, and even now it's slipping away, I wonder who i'll be next? Who will I become.