the tree of life

Someone jets off on their hols while I get a grip at inverleith park.
This is pretty much my trajectory today, headlong into a nosedive with a wee twist near the end.

I wake but don't wake up for the run or the hundred other things I was meant to do this morning. Ever have one of those days? Where the best of intentions become the best of procrastinations becomes the best of regrets.. think I'm just tired, but not getting my physical discharge kicks leaves me short circuiting all day, edgy, jumpy, stressed and frankly a bit of a pain in the ers to be around.

My days are just a bit too full. Too much going on and I find it hard to say no to anything. My family are over and I want to see my god dotter and help them move some things from my sister's flat, I want to get a good long run in, I want to get time to read, I want to get time to plan out the next 3 months and everything i need to get ready, I want to go for a swim, I want to meet a friend to discuss a creative collaboration, I want to catch up on emails, Skype a friend having a hard time and get some time to write... A sunny day makes it worse somehow. I feel I should be out enjoying it, making the most of those sunbeams, catch them and bottle 'um while I can.

There's a lot of wants there and only one me. Luckily I meet friend G who the sun has just lifted out of a bad spell. He just laughs, tells me a few home truths and gets me down to earth by jumping off a big wall. We head to the park, watch the toy power boats bother the ducks, enjoy the sunshine, walk barefoot, laugh off some recent romantic misfires, argue about music Vs Books, rummage through charity shops and drink coffee. It's a nice afternoon.

I meet my folks and god dotter Nat later. Very glad I did. They really did need help shifting some stuff from my sister's place and Nat's was priceless. We went for chips for tea and she found it hilarious that I kept on copying her, even when she did the silliest dances and counted to 30. She's only 3!

I got about a third done of what I needed to today, but I need to sort this out. Even if I never worked another day I would be busy.. there is so much to do. Most of all (and I think this is the crux of it) I just need some time on my own to think. Finding it hard to make priority calls as I haven't really worked out what they are or where I'm headed yet. I'm in a bit of a tizzzzz

Aside the gazillion other things I should have done when I eventually got home I opted to watch Terrence Malick's Tree of life. A good reminder of what's actually important, with a gorgeous soundtrack by Zbigniew Preisner