Summer.

Today is the first day that it has actually felt like summer. It's been nice. I went to see Laura today, this is a shot of Laura and I in the grass.

I feel like the sky is caving in. I woke up this morning feeling ill and alone, I got up, got in the shower and slid down the wall to sit on the ground with the freezing water splashing over my head and filling up around me. Taking cold showers is just what they do in movies, it doesn't help you in real life, it just stops you breathing because it's so unbearably cold. But I suppose that it did help in the sense that it stopped me thinking of anything else other than the icy pellets of water angrily and repeatedly pounding off my skin.

Town was lovely, we swayed in the sunshine and I texted Rukaya (the girl Laura likes) asking her weird questions, and she seems really nice. My friend Caitlin has been inboxing me again and she lives in huddersfield, she's 15, I haven't seen her in 4 months now, it's weird thinking it's been that long, but that's what comes with expensive distance. I wasted my life there.

I am so panicky, seriously it's getting out of hand, I just get upset and have to go out because I get o scared that if I don't i'll never leave. It's only 2 days now. I'm talking to Bethan on Thursday, i'm scared. I hope it goes alright, I need her.

I finally found a song that can stop time. I will listen to it forever and escape what is going on. I don't want to have to do this, why couldn't it just be simple? I don't want to stumble anymore, I want to fall, and I want to be fucking caught.

The sickening churning in my stomach every night has become beyond uncomfortable, I just want out. Now. Without any questions asked, I want my friends and I want her, but I don't know how to act anymore.

Tomorrow better be good. I miss my girlies though, kinda wish I could've gone to the beach now.

It's been a month now since you've been, my walls are lonely, and so am I

~

There's no where, I'd rather be.
Than on your sofa, watching crap tv.
Just you, your cat, and me.