Nervous.

I am beyond nervous for tomorrow. For two reasons, I start on my antidepressants tomorrow, and secondly for chatting to Bethan about serious stuff. I don't do serious well, but things need to be sorted, despite the fact that I've sat here for like 25 minutes making her something nice to say well done for exams. I'm stupid aren't I. But I guess being in love makes you dumb.

Today was nice, it was spent with Georgia and Bekka at first, we sat out on the grass at a park near my school, I bought icepops and overheated, but I made sure I stayed sun-creamed so that I did not burn, sunburn is never attractive. I'm so scared for tomorrow. I hope hope hopeit goes okay. I need her around.

I saw my friends Paddy and Pam chatting when we went down the river tonight, and they have been having trouble, but I can see how happy he makes her, the glint in her eye when she can't keep a straight face. I miss that, I just kinda wish for something as simple as what's going on there, my issues seem to be so complex and it's infuriating. Why is it that I can't just scoop up my girlfriend and her pull the face Pammy does when paddy tickles her and does that? It's not fair. I'm tired of the shit.

I feel sick, I just ate burned chip, burnt because I was blipping and forgot about them, fucks sake. I keep praying for her, and for things to get better. But nothing does, i'm losing any faith I have. It's irritating and it makes me unhappy. Even more so, which you'd expect to be difficult.

Actually my friend has been texting me alot and it's really cheered me up, we're going to draw together and i'm going to show her how to use her camera on friday, it'll be fun and i'm looking forward to it. I wonder what tomorrow will bring, and how i'll be on friday, but either way i've promised her i'll smile next time I see her, so i'll have to put on a brave face no matter what. Which is fine by me!

This was an arrangement of books and such I made and decided it was clever enough to use. I like it. Hope you do too.

~

Give a little time to me,
we'll play hide and seek.