The best things in life are free

Hey Tony Tigerbear here.
I am guest hosting for mom. She is tired. I am not. This is me. I am on my box of invisibility. A few of my favorite things are here. Mom got down on her knees with a yardstick and pulled 4 balls with bells out. I then put them in my cat cave. Don't touch them.
It's been 5 months now since I have made these people's life better. I have learned some things. Yes people it's a list. It's been a while.
1. Best thing in the world? An upside down box. With a door cut into it. (My cat cave)
2. Only way to enter this box and look cool? Through a hole in the top of the upside down box. It's about half my size and if I yowl mom rescues me.
3. My favorite toy? An old paintbrush of my moms. I can carry it in my mouth by the bristles. It cost her a dollar at a street fair.
4. Another? A hole cut from my awesome box. Now this hole has magic powers. Sometimes it calls to me from across the room. Sometimes from upstairs. It mocks me. I can flip it in the air and catch it. I have been unable to kill it. Little bastard.
5. Bottle caps. Now people these are awesome. I can find them all over. The more age on them the better. Any cap will do. Well not ketchup caps. I hate ketchup. Ketchup it's just not right. ( mom says I have a future in advertising)
6. The back of moms chair. Mountain climbing people. By using my claws which they let me keep, I can start from Mom's bedroom, down the stairs into the kitchen, around the table and behind the chair up and over until I am so tall, it makes me the conqueror of the world.
7 this also functions as a nail sharpener. When I do this mom reaches behind the chair and rubs my belly to get me to stop. Who's the slow one here people?
8 feathers. Mom's friend Deb gave her some goose feathers. Now these are some things. I can chew on them chase them put them in mom's bed. ( we find them days later. Under the pillows are the best). Sometimes I share these with the others. Yeah right.
9. Crumpled up balls of paper. I can barely speak of these without shaking all over. First of all I can hear paper from anywhere. If you sit and stare down Daddy, he will eventually crumple what he is writing on into a ball and send it into the hallway where I hit it until it goes under the couch. Mom found seven this afternoon.
10. The type of paper matters. Best? Aluminum foil. ( if I was in another country, I would ask them to say that word like a hundred times)
11. So many pillows.......so little time. They taunt me with their allure. I find them irresistible and all need to be made love to. As often as possible. Sometimes I sing them the song of my people. They find it romantic. Mom? Not so much.
Bed pillows are off limits.

Now I have a basket of awesomeness. At night I can take all of the fake mice out of this basket and put them on the stairs. They prefer their own stairs. I like the sound mom makes when she feels one under her feet in the dark. Nighttime is the right time to make noise.
Come to think of it. .....all things are free. I don't buy a thing.
I am a cat.
So I sign off with a yowl and a purr and say: g'day to down under and good evening to the north.