Nurse Ben

My alarm went off at 5:30 am and as soon as I rolled off my bed I felt dizzy. I thought maybe I got up too quick but then I felt my heart beating fast and I was trying to catch my breath. I went to the restroom attempting to continue with my morning routine hoping this feeling would go away but it didn't. I looked in the mirror and my face was pale and I started to feel a heavy pressure in my chest. Oh my....the thoughts that were running thru my mind were not good. I convinced myself to take a shower but when I started to massage the shampoo into my hair my arms felt so heavy that I had to drop them so I began to alternate them.....use one while the other one was resting and so on. I attempted to blow dry my hair but first of all just the walk from my bed to my mirror was exhausting and lifting the blow drying was just too much. That is when I decided to tell Tessa and asked her to drive me to the hospital.

I was so scared thinking that this was it. I wasn't going to be around to see Tessa get married or have her first baby or watch my sons become great men or watch Ariah grow up. I was trying my best to stay calm but the tears kept rolling down. This has never happened to me before so I didn't know what to expect.

Every test you can imagine was performed including a cat scan and I received a clean bill of health. Everything inside of me is perfectly fine and running well. So why did I feel what I felt this morning....no concrete answer except maybe stress and a little anxiety. I tend to ignore stress even though I may be stressed and now that I really think about.....the last couple of months have been difficult.

Major wake up call for me and I don't take this lightly. I need to keep what is precious close to me and get rid of toxic whether its people or things. I need to reprioritize what is truly important to me. My health is number one and I haven't been consistent with my working out and eating heathly. Its not like I don't have the knowledge of what to do....just a bit lazy and putting other insignificant things ahead. I mean the truth is I'm getting older (not younger) and my body doesn't react the same way so I have to put effort into making it what I want it to be. Everything happens for a reason and today as scary as it was it was necessary.

Everyone was so polite at the hospital especially Nurse Ben. I asked if I could take his picture and he jumped right at it. He closed the curtain, smiled and for some odd reason tickled my foot while I took his picture. I giggled and said thank you for my blip shot. He said "huh" and had to rush away.

Late blip entry for yesterday.