Weasily does it....

Genghis Khat lay upside down on Dora's sofa, happily watching Phillip Schofield's hair. It was the same colour as Genghis' fur, and he strongly suspected that it was actually a small woodland animal.

Holly Willoughby started telling Phillip a risqué story involving gooseberry tarts, and Genghis hopped off the sofa and over to the tv, in case the furry creature made a run for it.

Suddenly, Dora burst into the room waving her mobile phone at Genghis. 'Look!' she said, 'a text from that daughter of mine!'

Look, thought Genghis, continuing to stare at the screen, a man with a stoat on his head!

'Six bloody months without a word,' continued Dora, 'and now she's coming round this afternoon. What on earth will we do?'

Genghis yawned. Well I don't know about you, he thought, but I'll be watching Jeremy Kyle. Have you seen the way he behaves? Ferrets down the trousers, for deffo....