Hershey bars

I haven't eaten a Hershey bar in, like, years.

What happened was, me and my brother, Mel, were camping in Yellowstone and we were a bit excited because of the bears. But we'd done what they said and hung all our food up in a tree in a bag and then they're supposed to leave you alone. But what I don't know is that Mel has kept a little bag to one side in case he gets hungry in the night! I know! What a dumb-assed fuck! So, anyway, in the middle of the night I hear this rummaging around and I think it's Mel but then I smell this, like, really strong, animal smell and I tumble that it's a bear and, let me tell you, I'm out of that tent so fast... And, on the way, I tread on Mel's face so he's awake and not far behind me and, before we know it, were both scrambling up the same tree that our food... Sorry, that most of our food, is hanging from and we're watching the bear destroying our tent.

I'll tell you, watching one of those things that close up with nothing but a short climb between you is a very, err... invigorating feeling! Especially when you get to thinking that bears can certainly climb trees. And, in point of fact, they're pretty good at climbing trees. Apparently, in the olden days, people would arrange these sick fights between, like, a dog and a hundred rats. And if they made a bear and a leopard fight, the bear would win every fucking time - just punch the leopard's head - Bam!

Anyway, after a while, the bear finds Mel's bag and, without minding us one bit, starts to eat Mel's stash. There are apples and a sandwich and about six Hershey bars and the bear eats the lot of them and then throws up right under our tree. And then, and this is the gross bit, eats it all again!

Well, we stayed up there for quite a while before we felt like coming down and, in the meantime, I shared some of my thoughts about how Mel maybe wasn't the smartest crayon in the pencil box.

And, somehow, since then, I've never really felt like eating a Hershey.

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