Thai Massage & Giant Hogweed...

I’m not a frequenter of massage parlours. Honest! I did once have a massage when on holiday in a very respectable hotel in Budapest where they have a tradition of these things. It was done by a guy and shorts were kept on at all times. And it was a good(ish) experience but it was quite a brutal one. He looked like a Turkish wrestler and he really went to work on me, bending this and that, pressing his hands deep into my muscles. I was exhausted at the end of it all.

We don’t have brothels in the UK we have ‘massage parlours.’ We do have massage parlours and ‘massage parlours.’ The apostrophes make a world of difference if you catch my drift. Some of them are perfectly respectable I’m sure but some are not. You can have a massage but ‘extras’ might cost you a lot more. More apostrophes again. I found myself in a Thai Massage Parlour in Chorlton today. It seemed of the respectable sort. It’s right in the main part of the village on Barlow Moor Road. The less reputable ones seem to be located in quiet, out of the way places. So I’m told. This isn’t one of them.

The reason I was in the massage parlour was I’d noticed a spectacular plant growing outside. Now it could be Hogweed or it could be Giant Hogweed. If it’s the latter it’s bad. These plants were brought into the UK in Victorian times as plants to grace the gardens of the rich. They found the climate to their liking and escaped the gardens and spread across the country. They are particularly fond of the damp river valleys that the UK has in abundance.

They are nasty plants. If you cut them down the sap from them can burn badly. Enough to put you in hospital and have you in pain for months. Children are attracted to them and their sensitive skin can be scarred for life. Even brushing against them with bare flesh can be disastrous. These plants are right by the street and could cause harm. I was in there warning the proprietor of the potential hazard outside his business. Honestly!