Thinking aloud (4)

Thinking aloud series starts here.

Another strand of Amanda’s work is that of her teacher, Wendy Palmer.  I’ve followed Wendy’s work for about fifteen years and go through phases of doing her centering practice.  But I had not explored the practices with a partner.

The introductory exercise is simple.  Sit or stand side by side with a friend.  Get your friend to lay their hand on the outside edge of your upper arm with gentle pressure, a firm touch.  Then your partner gradually begins to increase the pressure, not a shove or a jolt, just slowly turning the heat up; whatever your response they keep increasing the pressure.  

The point of the exercise is to discover your own physiological response to pressure.  Do you cave/crumble/flee?  Do you push back/puff up ready for a fight?  Do you freeze and go rigid?  This gives you an indication or confirmation of your habitual learned response to pressure/challenge of any sort.  We all have one.  The body responds first and often determines the course of the conversation, certainly it influences the tone.

Then A. led us through Wendy's centering practice (the instructions start about 14 minutes in).  We repeated the pressure exercise while centered in this way, with fascinating results.  I’ll leave them to your imagination but recommend trying the exercise with a friend if you are at all interested.  Much more compelling than reading about it.  One other key thing I learned was that in relationship I am usually fairly balanced between enquiring of the other person and advocating my own point of view.  If anything, I tend towards enquiring/questioning.  BUT when I’m under sufficient pressure (i.e. triggered or activated, threatened, defensive) I flip to advocacy, vehemently expressing my position.  This surprises people (and me) - I’d seen this ‘worm turns’/’up with this I will not put’ pattern in myself before, but never so clearly.

I had recently been privvy to the growth a friend had experienced following ruptures in a close relationship and was full of admiration for this example of things  coming good in the end.  Not a little envious of the heart-opening expansion that this rocky road had enabled.  A genuine step change in their way of being.  My life has been so quiet of late I wondered what could stir me up so much, for I firmly believe that stirring up is necessary for our evolution.  I wished for a little stirring up.  Be careful what you wish for … 

#am writing