Birthday.

This photo is my family at my birthday. I don't tell them I love them enough. I'm so gutted Isla was sleeping. I am in such a scary place just now and it's knowing I finally have a relationship with them that keeps me strong. I don't have much to be proud of but if I can be half the parent my dad is to me il be ok. But I make stupid decisions based on imaginary experience and i get hurt. I do it with my friends too. I'm just so fucked up I spend my time wasting it on idiots that don't deserve me and it's those that actually care about me that I ignore. I need to be looked after because as much as I like to think and pretend I'm big tough and scary. I'm terrified. And I'm weak, and I'm so scared my girls are gonna end up like me. I want nothing but their happiness and for them to feel loved and safe and confident. But how can I teach them if I don't have a clue how to live yourself?

I don't know what to do.