Grey Lady

I have always known life wasn't going to be easy, right from the egg I was aware that we were part of a species that was destined to be misunderstood.

I've tried to do my best but I have to face up to it, I am a moth. there I've said it, I am a moth.

My name is Grace by the way, how do you do? You are lucky to find me here because I am normally a creature of the night . So naturally you may be a bit suspicious, discovering me perched here on the changing room window, you may well wonder, and I don't blame you, what am I doing?, well the fact that there is all this fabric hanging about might give you a clue. Look, nice thick towelling, makes a good breakfast that does, bit of cotton, bras and pants mostly, always nice for a mid morning snack. some wooly pullies for lunch followed by a nice slinky lycra for pud. Move on to socks in the evening, finish up with a quick chomp on that old liberty bodice for supper.

Suspicious and wary, course I am, how would you like it if every time you went into Tesco you kept getting sideways looks from folk, its as if they spot me and think I'm about to burrow into their clothes and start having a good chew of their underwear. What does that do for a bodies confidence? You feel as welcome as Gary Glitter in a primary school playground.

And see what happens if I happens to flutter out of a wardrobe! It's the whole works, isn't it ? spray, rolled up newspaper, camphor balls, plastic bags, the full monty. As if it was a plague of locusts. But I have the last laugh on the bastards anyway, cause I've already laid my eggs deep down in the bottom drawer, down where she keeps the lacy bits and thongs and that. I lay them there cause she only goes in there once a year on his birthday, and sometimes when he's away and its time for the freezer to be serviced. See, you people don't think we moths notice anything, but the tales i could tell, any way enough of that.

Why do I have such a chip on my shoulder? Well I've a right haven't I? Look at those cousins of ours, the butterfly clan. Shiny, showy, garish flitter from flower to flower, great long tounges, bright colours, bloody show offs. And the fuss when one of them gets caught by a blackbird, you'd think it was the new holocaust. And us, no one gives a damn. We can yearn for the bright lights all we want, flicker round the candles til we get a bit close, thats what happened to my brother, he got too near, left wing gets caught and down he went in a ball of flame.

Like the cloak do you? Started wearing it back in 2005 after that last misunderstanding. Well I'd been doing charity work for a while, then we set up that charity, Priests Rehabilitation In Charge Of Kindergartens Society. Ok I grant you we could have done with a bit of help in naming and acronyms and some PR advice wouldn't have gone amiss, but after we had shut down GROPING ( Group for the Relief of Priests in Need of Guidance) we needed to get back in business as soon as possible. Anyway this became a sort of uniform, grey cloak with blue shells on it and a nice bit of dark lace round the hem. My role? Well I suppose I am a sort of abbess, a figurehead , a spiritual guide and nurse. Thats why they call me Afghan. I don't know what I am, I may be a Marbled Skipper, or a sort of Puss Moth or a Carpet Fritallary , doesn't matter anyway , I am a fatalist and that bloody Gecko lurking behind the outside light will have me one of these days.

Better get on , I've a meeting with the Bishop, he needs some steerage on what to do with Father Brendan , he's taken to dancing in the vestry at dusk in ballet shoes, a high visibility vest and rubber pantyhose. Can't see anything wrong with it myself but the bishop is worried that the Sun might have got a picture. I am going to recommend we make him chaplain of Cheltenham Ladies College, he'll fit right in there.