Smithereens

Broken Britain?  It is now, thanks to Cameron D's choice to play politician rather than statesman. I've been variously bitter, angry, weepy and plain sad at different times today.

One thing is clear now:  I identify as "European" even more strongly than the "British" I felt I was in 2014.  Well, what should I have expected? Two decades together with someone from another EU member state; when we married, our fathers toasted the symbolism of our personal union, observing that their fathers (or their fathers' generation) could have been trying to kill each other; our child, about to start high school, is proudly bilingual (and rightly so).

At work, I have spent the last decade and a half (or so), with others, trying to get some pretty niche bits of EU environmental law better implemented in Scotland; some of that has been quite intense, some of it most definitely a very long game; all of it, I hope, has been for some greater good.  Professionally and personally, a large chunk of my life has been bound up by European connections and context.

I know I'm not alone in this; I also know that others have invested far more of their energy into promoting the positives of EU citizenship. None of which reduces the rawness of the rejection of all that by just over half the country.

What the hell was Cameron thinking?  Why commit to this referendum if he was not absolutely certain of winning handsomely? A more statesmanlike figure, or a stronger political leader, would have stood up to the Eurosceptic yahoos in his party, citing the greater good of the country, and cut a stronger and more reasonable figure in the Council of Ministers. But I fear the thing he cared most about was being prime minister, rather than being a good prime minister.

The last personally upsetting thing I'm going to write about is to do with where I come from.  If you've read my profile you'll see I identify(ied), slightly tongue in cheek,  as an Anglo-Welsh European citizen of Scotland.  The Anglo-Welsh thing is(was) important, as it locates my personal roots quite precisely in the border country landscape of Raymond Williams, and the language of Dylan Thomas.  I left England and Wales nearly three decades ago, and have lived in Scotland ever since. But I always felt a strong connection to the place.  That now feels shattered - the connection is now to the past; England and Wales have left me, or at least the majority of the inhabitants have.  I don't recognise the attitudes being expressed in (post-industrial) South Wales, sounding little different from the xenophobic luddism and wilful ignorance widely reported from much of England. I'm convinced that most leave voters have no idea what they have just thrown away.  Of course, there are some that do know and just don't care (Johnson B, Gove M).

Don't get me started on Farrage's gloating ("no bullets"; "a victory for the decent people") - no Francis of Assisi he. Nauseating.

Two referendums in two years, but the wrong way round for me.  Brexit is a game changer; I could handle a third, and know what I would do this time, without the last-minute wince of 2014.  But this is really not where I wanted us all to be right now ...

(In scarce-as-hen's-teeth good news: a big shout out to L'Escargot Blanc for a faultless 20th anniversary dinner ...)

Tune