Taraa, taraa

We are proud. To announce. Our new. Lifeboat.
HMS Sovreignty – isn’t that a lovely name? Yes, we decided it was more appropriate to get rid of the name of the parent ship. Doesn't have such a nice ring to it, Europa, does it? We know it’s only crossed out and handwritten for now but we've got time. Shame the signwriters didn’t manage to teach themselves lettering after we defunded the apprenticeships but we’ll dig out the Letraset soon. French, you say? Letraset’s migrated to France? Well, no problem. The Department for Skills will have that sorted out in no time.
Of course it’ll float. Hundreds of prototypes have been floating on hot air for months now; water’s not so very different. Anyway, if you look carefully you’ll see it’s a refurbished design from well over 40 years ago. We built things to last back then. And waves haven’t changed.
Small? No there’ll be ample room. There’s a whole lot of people from the cabins on the lower decks who - well, I don't think they should ever have been allowed on our deck, frankly, so we don't need to make room for them, and then there’s those Brits who’ve gone native and chained themselves to the railings of the Europa. They didn’t need to spend the money on the chain, to be honest. We’ll be better off without them. Oh, you mean the Scots. Bunch of whingers. We’re building a smaller version for them. And one each for the Welsh and the Northern Irish. Well, perhaps two for the Northern Irish. We’ll tow them behind. Yes, the rope’s a bit frayed but we’ll provide oars so they can keep up.
It’ll be fine. Don’t be so unpatriotic. There’s a lighthouse just over there across the Atlantic. A terrific one.

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