Overthinking

We have been blessed with beautiful weather, summer in April in fact. It's a bit weird, as it feels like we've skipped Spring and fast forwarded straight to summer. I feel like school's over, save that there's actually three more months to go.... :-/

I've been up by 8:30am most days, no matter how late I've been to bed. I think it's quite nice, as I'm being woken by the sun :-) 

I had a boring day really, just ran a few errands. I thought when I had the time off I would try to focus on the main issue in my mind, the changing of the job. But it's as if my mind can't focus enough, and I feel I'm wasting the time. 

I had a date this evening. Part of me really didn't want to go. I even felt a bit funny on the way. I'm not sure why. I guess it just seems a bit pointless. He turned out to be a really nice guy, and conversation flowed easily. We went to The Folly, the other side of London Bridge. Well that was the plan anyway, but it was too busy so we walked across the road to Leadenhall Market and had our glass of wine standing under the little covering. We were a bit of a pair- me with my broken shoulder and him coughing every 30 seconds. Apparently from only wearing a t-shirt at night on a ski trip two weeks ago.

We moved on to another pub, but a bit of a crappy one this time. I wanted to go home, but the second glass of wine helped, and then we talked a bit more. I was home by 10:30pm. 

I just seem to look at all the "factors". Ie; where we live, what jobs we do, what our plans are for the future. It's like I'm trying to plan everything out, rather than just being able to go with the flow. I wonder why I do it? And I know I won't hear from him again, and I'm not sure I even want to. I'm not sure dating is supposed to feel this way? It all seems a bit futile.

And I don't think focussing on my "career" is enough of a distraction. I know where I am, and I know what I want. And I'm not getting it. And that is frustrating. I feel as if I'm waiting for my life to start, even though, I've already had a lot of "life" ;-) 

Been afraid to make a change, cause there's no writing on the next page.

Lyrics from the song I used for my class video. I think that's me.