A very long day...

...I was at the hospital appointment today where the audiologist was changing the mapping on my cochlear processor, because I have been having problems with the current mapping of the processor and cannot hear as well as I used to with it.

The audiologist explained she was going to try an experiment...a completely different new kind of mapping of the processor. Sound was going to be turned on its head and not sound like anything I have heard before in the previous 7 odd years I have had this cochlear implant. So all the learning I had done to marry different sounds to their objects was all out of the window now.

To be fair she did warn me I would be frightened and even terrified once I left audiology with this new mapping because sounds wouldn't make sense any more. And she warned me my car would sound completely wrong. Even her voice sounded weird now. This Scottish accent that she did have when I first went in for my appointment this afternoon with the old mapping, was now replaced (mid afternoon by this time) with something indescribably tinny with this new mapping. I don't have the words to describe her voice now, and nothing relates to my concept of a Scottish accent.

I left audiology in a bit of a daze, but nothing prepared me for what came next. I am on my mobility scooter and it sounds so wrong. It used to whine all the time with the old mapping. Now it makes a variety of noises. I had to keep stopping it to check the noises were coming from the scooter. Then finally I found the exit (the hospital has had renovations for the last so many years and is a nightmare to get round now).

Every sound and noise and voice in the universe had changed. I just stopped at the exit and looked. My heart was beating faster and faster. This was not the 'sound' world I had left a few hours earlier when I entered the hospital with my old mapping. Nor did it look the same as before. It looked like an alternate universe as well as sounding like one. With all these strange new sounds my spatial perception appeared different. It was very scary. The world had looked its usual solidness when I had walked into the hospital with the old mapping in the processor. But now, with my brain trying to adjust to this new mapping, the world outside looked insubstantial, not quite there, and certainly not solid.

I realised my poor brain couldn't cope with this new totally upside down influx of sound. So I just stayed still for a bit watching people, vehicles, and trying to figure out how to watch noise and sound.

But I knew I was going to have to get home. So made my way to the car. No one had pointed out to me that this might be a problem.

The central locking system sounded wrong when I pressed the key. Opening the car door...that was not the sound of a car door opening. I sat in the driver's seat and turned on the engine, and I think my brain had a meltdown, because all my automatic responses flew away into this alternate universe.

I turned the engine off and just sat there awhile. Okay, there is only one way to do this. Go the slow way home, not the Expressway, and talk myself through every step of the way. Just like you did when you first learnt to drive. I decided I would stop and park somewhere if needed.

So this is what I did. Talked my way through traffic lights, roundabouts, speed limits, distances and so on. Pretty soon my confidence came back and I was back to the usual automatic responses we all have learned over the years.

I get home only to find my three cats don't 'miaow' any more. The noise coming out of their mouthes (with this new mapping) doesn't fit with my concept of the word 'miaow'.

I tried to listen to one song just now, 'The Sound of Silence' by Simon and Garfunkel. It sounds so wrong. Everything has shifted in it, upside down, inside out and thrown in a washing machine for good measure. I don't have the words for any of the 'new' sounds now. I cannot describe anything.

I have taken the processor off to give my brain a rest, although it feels it is still working itself through this shock it got this afternoon.

Next few days I will stay at home and get used to the 'new' sounds here.

The audiologist thought it might take a long while for the brain to adapt to these new sounds. I have another appointment in a few weeks, and she said she wasn't expecting my brain to have adjusted by then.

But I do.

So, plenty of sleep and rest, meditation and stuff is on my agenda. As well as working the brain with sound while I am awake. I will have to see if I can find some talking books. I am sure the Gutenberg project will have books and the audio books of the same book. So a bit of downloading tomorrow.

But my painting a day for today...I am not letting this slide. So what this is, is a bit of paint swished on to some strange scrap of shiny white paper, and then a tree stamp, stamped in black in the middle. Looked awful, but I thought that will have to be it. However, when I sat on the couch to take the photo, the sun came out, shone through some real leaves outside the window and put that on the painting at the top, as well as shining through more dense leaves giving the illusion of spots of bright light. The sun certainly improved the painting!

Then I realised that this is my situation now. The branches of the tree you can see are possibly the parts of my brain that are trying to figure out sound, but are kept in the dark by the shadow bits. The flashes of bright light feel like the flashes of inspiration or 'aha' moments which will come soon.

So this is my painting/pic for today for my challenge to myself of a pic everyday in 2017.