'Thy Will Be Done'

I morn a sister in Christ I have never meet. A celibrate her life and her love of God. I question God why her and not me?

Everything I hear about her (Sierra Johnston) she was a Saint, who surely had sinned, but was a great testimony to Christ was taken home. To a place where she will cry no more tears, by a tragic accident. I Cry out with my heart why her and not me?

She died of a accidental car crash, irronicaly the Lord saved me from being involed in a car crash the other day a few who read this may know the full story, many may not. If you want to know via private message. (antmarkphotography@gmail.com or if you have me added to facebook via facebook.)

I know God could have prevented the crash; Yet he allowed it to be. I know God could have healed yet I know he choose not to. there is no words of comfort in this I can give to friends like Aaron Schultz to say why God didn't intervene. As I know his power heal or stop accidents. Yet I also know where she is now, in a place where her amazing voice will be worshiping God. I prayed for Sierra, for a healing with full expectency that he can heal - further more he can even raise the dead. Yet I also prayed for God's will to be done. I now he answered my prays with his will. To take her into the place where from what I hear her beatiful voice will be worshiping the Lamb. Singing worthy is the Lamb, (Rev. 5:12) the place where she will feel no more tears. (Rev 21:4)

The Amazing thing about Seirra's life is that she wanted to bring people to pray and to a relationship with the true living God. Irronically its by her death and car accident that this maybe most accomplished, the grave does not stop her from being a testimony to the power of God. Rather it enhances what she stood for.

Its also a reminder to me that you never know when your time is up, live each day as if its your last but at the same time plan as if there is a future. It makes me reflect on the last conversation I had with the women I love. How I wish it had of been different, how regardless of if we walk away from each other it hurts knowing full well that your not on speaking terms. I chase meaningless flings now to send a message I am over her, yet the truth is I may never be. I blame God for my feelings yet is that really fair? Even as I write this I drink, drink to forget. Yet in so many ways its not even the effect this has had on the relationship between the two of us, ie: friendship because it was basicaly dead, out contact and harlf a Island away. If it was not for so many events and prays I would be happy enough to let her go, rather the breakdown in relationship with God that hurts the most. Yet if God allowed a women such as Seirra to be taken out of the world I suppose atleast she lives and will continue for as long as the Lord wills be a great testimony to him. I miss her, not having her in my life at all hurts, but that is her choice; I can't make her respond or communicate. Irronically she and if work does not agree to a transfer are the only things that stop me from being closer to family! Long story - bassically I don't want to cause her any anxity or for her to think she is the reason why I moved, so reluctant to move, but my Grans had a few mini strokes and want to be closer to her, and my sisters had a bad run again want to be closer to where she lives, and the place where she lives is the only place where I can continue to study. Something I was going to give up on till my mother entroled in a bacholar of fine art's and it got me thinking again about studies and not wanting to give up on it. Yet I can not alow her to effect my future; IT would be hard living in the same city yet being so distant, but at the same time for family etc it seems the most logical choice. I can not allow this women to determine my life so there for if work agrees I will transfer. I suppose I need to say they same thing through all this to God let "Thy will be done." It plays on my mind how the last time we spoke was her storming off, etc. yet it was my fault in part and her fault in part for the spanish incosition. "Long story". Irronically come about because "in part me wanting to know how she was, and inpart because I was wanting to uterlize a point in which we where not getting along to well to use a testimony of hers for some appologetic work."

I wonder if this post in and of its self is wise or not. As it says things I would dare not say to her, as I love her I don't want to cause her any pain or for her to feel like she is having such a strong effect on my life. But the chances of her or for that matter any one reading this and connecting the dots means I feel safe to post it. + Call it the port looseing the tounge..........