Reflecting

The first thing on my mind was the horrible news of London last night. It was by chance a rare night in for me, and a few hours earlier I had deliberated about whether to go out or not. It looks like I made the right decision. 

I watched and watched the news until the early hours, and messaged a friend to check he was ok. I just couldn't watch anymore, and finally went to bed. 

It stirs up a lot of feelings, not just for me but for lots of people. I was in one of those restaurants with my friends a few weeks ago. I was at one of the pubs on a date last weekend. It's creeping ever closer to home, and the fear has become more real. 

My heart broke a little this week when I saw some pictures of people laying flowers. One was the ex-girlfriend of one of the innocent men that died. Looking at her face, a picture of palpable despair, the tears, the grief, it made me think of T. I lie, for he was my first thought when I heard the news. Earlier he had posted a birthday message to a friend from Barcelona, and I had felt my chest whoosh. Later when I heard the news, my first thought was relief that he wasn't there. How selfish in a way, as for others they were not as lucky. 

If I was braver, if I wasn't so afraid of rejection, or of getting hurt, I might have picked up the phone. But I always feel it will serve no purpose, for either of us, so I haven't. He was worried about terrorism, more so than I, and I know that this will be in the forefront of his mind.

If I was clever I would use that image I saw and use that to propel me forwards. Be a bit braver, take more risks perhaps, or at the very least, remember that we only have one life to live, and we should make the very most of it that we can. 

For I am sure that poor girl wishes she could pick up the phone again. And I could, but don't. 

Food for thought. On a brighter note, I have been toying with the idea of getting a new car. Or rather my dad quite fancies buying my Mazda 2 from me to use as a runaround, and I would quite like a change. After all, as yet I haven't got a new house, or a baby so this might be my chance ;-) I did a bit or research on the deals, and we went to the local Mini dealer today. 

I wasn't too bothered until I saw it, and sat in it. It's only a basic model, and I would have to make payments, but it's tempted me a little more seeing it in the flesh. 

It's pretty, as you can see, but at the end of the day, it's only a car. It sort of seems rather unimportant now. It's certainly not what matters in life. 

We shall see. I might arrange a test-drive at the weekend, but I am in no rush.