New Adventures In Bureaucracy

I received a letter from the Customs Agency here in Germany (das Zollamt).

A friend has sent me a parcel that has been sent from a country outside the EU.  This means that said parcel is a present.  Das Zollamt loves parcels though.  Especially ones where there is no thing on them saying "This is a present.  It's worth 50 Euros.  Honest.  It's not drugs or guns or anything at all illegal."  Without that kind of disclaimer, das Zollamt goes into full emergency lockdown...

I got this letter. 

"You need to come down to the customs office. 

Please bring the receipt for the thing you didn't buy. 

We're open from 7 in the morning until 3:15 in the afternoon every weekday. 

Except Friday when we have a Zollamt Party from 2:30.

You are not invited to the party.

Because we have everyone on high alert because of your hugely suspicious present, you have to give us €28,50 to get your "present".  Then you have to open it in front of us, and then pay the duty on it.

Where is our office?  Dead easy, we're at "der Arsch der Welt, Wiesbaden."
There's one bus that comes by every 2 hours from 4 in the afternoon until 8.  Yes, that is after the office closes but we would hate you to think that this was any kind of service for your benefit. There is a train station about an hour away on foot though.

We're looking forward to messing with you when you get here.

Oh you can also send someone to pay for and pick up your parcel.  Just look on our website for details..."

Please do have a look at the website.  Even clicking on the button to give you the English version will not help you.  There is a special kind of person who designs websites like this.  Perhaps they should be my AdT.

My favourite form that I found there was this one.  You never know when you're going to need to fill in a form about the evidence of the weight of the bananas that you've imported.

Germany - where Cusomer Service is eine Straftat.