Good Grief 293

I wondered about where to go today. Trying to keep up with my resolution I knew I wanted to keep up some level of activity. I thought about heading back to where I went yesterday to see my old friend and to swim but wanted to try something else. I had wanted to go up to where some more of my husband's ashes are scattered and I haven't been able to go there for a couple of years since mum and dad had become increasingly unwell but I knew it was a bit daft in just a day, although doable. I thought about all that is recorded here ... the life since ... It hasn't felt much like living, more like existing but over the years there has been 'stuff' and a lot of it one way or another. Blip has been, and is, a witness ... it stands as evidence of something. Proof of existence was a phrase that I think was mentioned recently. It has forced getting out when it has been hard to otherwise be motivated; when my world has become so closed off to everything and everyone else it has enabled an observation of that process and with and through that a witnessing and an acceptance, some level of self compassion or at least enough to draw me through and on; it has opened up other worlds and a sense of expansion ... who would have thought I would have gone abstract! Look at this ... who would have imagined it?! 
I may be talking to myself, a lot of it a load of nonsense, a stream of consciousness and written internal verbal diarrhoea but it is what it is.
And so, in the end I decided to not go too far, to walk with an objective - if I made it to the destination in mind then, good. If not I will have walked and blipped and got through the day. As it was I made it.