Learning when to stop

As I walked to work early in the morning I regretted the gin I drank last night. Listening to the French punk rock band La femme woke me up ever so slightly. This was my second day back at McDonald's. I only returned because I needed the extra money. The job itself left a little to be desired.

When I left McDonald's a couple months back, I felt free and unshackeled. I gained some sense of pride. Even though the job I replaced it with was no better at least I enjoyed being there. My times at my new job weren't perfect but I loved it; after all I always wanted to work in a cinema. 

So when my finances dipped and I had to rely on my folks to get by, I felt compelled to look for work elsewhere. I struggled to find other jobs so I settled on going back to McDonald's.  Luckily I left on good terms so they welcomed me back with open arms. 

I had an awakening sometime in the afternoon. It's the time i feel i woke up from whatever dream state I was in. The time I finally accepted I work at McDonald's  again. I didn't know how I felt about it. It's at this time I had crossed a line.

The afternoon had attracted a herd of cars on drive thru and the car park was filled with hungery customers.  Those who were bagging the orders for the drive thru needed someone to take the food o ut, so I put myself forward. After taking a few orders I decided to wear a coat as it was quite cold outside. This specific coat was the catalyst for my awakening.

By this point a line of customers was slowly forming inside as well. The manager of the shift noticed the coat I was wearing told me to change it. I was far too focused on getting these orders out to the customers as they were getting wildly impatient. So I decided taking the orders was a higher priority than searching for a new coat making the customers wait longer. 

This then instigated a confrontation between my shift manager and I in front of the customers. It ended with me walking away. And soon someone else took my place in taking food out. I was so frustrated both at the situation and at my myself. Eventually I was called in to the office. Where both my manager and my shift manager rebuked me for my behavior and the possible repercussions from wearing that dirty coat could have had. The complaints it could have created. 

They started talking about why they hired me and doubting it slightly. First of all I realized how silly it was to rebel when I was clearly in the wrong. I reflected on how I had serious issues when it came to learning to stop when I'm on the defensive and I am I was involved in a verbal conflict.

The fact I could have lost my job over a coat; woke me up. It made me realise I'm not better than this job. I need this job. If I lose this job I will struggle financially whilst I look for another. 

After accepting this is how my life might be for a while till I get another job (which felt more like a dream more than anything). I got call when i got back home from a company I had sent my cover letter to. It was for a position  as a post production runner. This has the potential to change the state of my life...