Dark Lady

I always go to the races but I don’t believe in gambling. That’s a fools game. I’ve no objection to a nice game of cards, though. A nice game like Find the Dark Lady - that’s the Queen of Spades. I show you the Dark Lady and then I do a nice, slow shuffle, while you watch and then you have to point to Her Majesty. What could be simpler? The best times to play Dark Lady are on the trains to and from the races. On the way, folks are warming up to things and like to stretch their muscles. And, on the way back, they are either trying to keep a winning streak alive or they’re trying to make up for a bad afternoon.

I don’t always win at Dark Lady - I mean, it’s a game of skill, so it’s only natural that I should lose sometimes. In fact, I often lose the first game I play against anyone but then it’s only common decency to give me a chance to win back my losses and, while we’re at it, why not make it a bit more interesting?

The only time I really lost at Dark Lady was, coincidentally enough TO a dark lady. It was on the train back from Epsom. She had watched me play a few hands and then, smiling, asked if she could have a go. The first sign that something was up was when I tried to lose the first hand but she smiled again and picked the wrong card - the losing card. That didn’t really matter but she should really have picked the Lady like I showed her. And then, the next hand, she didn’t pick the card that she was supposed to. The card that ninety-nine out of a hundred people would have picked. She picked the Dark Lady. And she smiled.

She kept picking the Dark Lady and she kept smiling.

And I would happily have carried on losing to her all day.