Urgh.

Okay so the first time ever? I can't be arsed with my girlfriend. I think i've been hurt so much i've forgotten how to GIVE A FUCK, urgh.

SO basically, you all know that I get sad right? well I was sad, and she came home mortal and was being all weird and blunt and asking what was up with me, she had some nerve after being so shady. Besides, I told her why and how i felt shit, and she k'd me, then compared me to her dad and how depressed and angry he is.

So, i told her where to go. I feel like Bethan, how she treat me, and I know it hurt me, but I wasn't a dick like Molly's being, so i'm really just being fair. I don't want to hurt her, but shes so ignorant and blunt and urgh! The problem is, she isn't Bethan. No one will ever be Bethan and thats tore me to shit. Ergh.

To top it off I cut myself for the first time in weeks tonight, looking back i feel stupid for it but it's addictive and irritatingly so, shortly afterwards I sat fully clothed in the bath as the water cleaned me and turned red. I make myself feel sick with how disgusting my mind is, ugh ugh ugh. There's not enough Kylie in the world to fix me.

I'm out of cigarettes too, fuck life. I don't have time to pretend i'm fine.

~

Your shoes are too polished, your nails are too clean, your walk is too tasteful and your eyes should be mean, your voice is too loud and your smile is so plain, you wear your jeans too correctly, and you've never felt pain , Your taste is too expensive, and your horse is too high, I'll take you out tonight?

Just don't expect me to try.