The speech...

Woke up this morning with one thing on my mind - the speech! Some shaky practice runs with my mum last night left me only more nervous. This morning when I got up I tried a different technique, doing it whilst looking in the mirror (harder than what you might think). This proved a success, and I suddenly felt much calmer about it all - almost a little excited. I then moved on to my next audience, my dogs. Whom, in their old age, seem to not have a care in the world especially not for my speech.

I had a few good practice runs and I felt ready. I put in my earphones, put on some Gwen McRae to try and draw on some powerful energy, and I got on my way. Within just a 10 minute walk (down a single road) I bumped into 3 people I knew, reminding me what it’s like to be back home.

I arrived at my old school and signed in, it felt weird to be back in a place I’d spent so much of life in, but now I was back there under a different context. I wasn’t here to study, or meet up with my mates, I was now a ‘visitor’. It felt so surreal, I almost felt like I was in trouble sat on the sofas in reception waiting to be called. I sat there for 10 minutes pretending to look busy and politely smiling to all the new members of staff I’d never met before. I was meeting GM, she had only joined the school in my final year, so I didn’t know her too well, but she was great and very excited (and a wee bit nervous) about the afternoon. I quickly realised it was slightly a bigger thing than what I had expected, and I would be featuring in the motivational assembly for all of the year elevens before they broke up for Easter. Following a quick debrief we got straight on with it, and the next thing I knew I was rambling on trying to urge the year elevens to do well in their GCSEs and be optimistic about the future. I’m not sure how useful this was, I’m not even sure how many of them listened, but if one student came away thinking they could do better than what they did before they’d heard me it would be a success.

In the end I wasn’t too nervous, I didn’t speak too fast, and I said everything I wanted to say. But I still came away with a strange feeling. I couldn’t - and still can’t - put my finger on it. Something just felt odd, I’d expected to come away inspired by the next generation to come from my town, but I felt nothing. If anything, after hearing that the behaviour had slipped slightly within the school, I came away slightly disheartened and worried about what lies ahead for some of them.

On my way home I stopped off at my grandmas. She didn’t know I was home so it was a nice surprise for her. I sat down with her and my grandad and had a good catchup, she’s looking really well, and my grandad had a big glass of whisky on the go so I’m sure everything was ok for him. After eating my weight in kitkats, and other sugary treats, I had to get out of there before I developed type 2 diabetes, so I got on my way and set off back to mine.

Everything is in walking distance from my house, and so when I’m home that’s how I usually get to places, but today felt different. Walking around, after just been at school and my grandmas, I was suddenly transported back to being 14 again.

Then I had a nice relaxing night in, and a quick catchup with JD (on the phone) to find out how she’s getting on. Despite the poor connection, we managed to have a good chat and laughed through the technological setbacks. Great end to a great day.