Big Girl Pants

Something I’ve been saying for years is to put your big girl pants on.

If I cast my mind back, I was 17 years old and I used to have to walk to the bus which was at the end of my drive at home which was eh about a mile. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of about 3.5 years and I knew all my friends and his were at school waiting, it felt, for me to arrive. I pretty much cried and was sick and panicked the whole way down the drive not wanting to go in but my mum being my mum (an angel) said these words to me ‘you can do this, big girl pants- think Bridget Jones’ and pushed me on the bus. Not sure if it was the worst decision or the best because since it’s been my mantra for everything. Years later I was at uni and there was this massive project and I was like OH JEEZ about it all and a girl nudged me and said ‘remember what you say, big girl pants!’ Which made me v emotional.

Having said that there’s a time and a place for whipping out the old BGP, sort of times would be: starting a new job, doing on a date, getting weighed, going to pick your stuff up from an exes house, getting a new haircut you’re unsure of, doing something that scares you or in my case literally anything ever that makes me slightly uncomfortable.

The thing about anxiety is that it’s incredibly isolating. You could be in a concert hall with everyone chanting at you that you’re incredible, amazing and you’re doing everything right but you’d still cower on the stage crying covered in your own sick because you don’t feel good enough, strong enough or brave enough. Sadly I don’t have all the answers on how to combat the loneliness of anxiety or how and why the phrase ‘big girl pants’ has some what guided my way through the majority of my younger years.

The things is, you can only do what you can do. Like sometimes days are very hard and all I can think about is going home, going to bed (favourite place obviously) and crying. And sometimes I can go ALL day with being a half decent human because all I think about is how I’m excited to go home, take my ‘I’m okay’ mask off and just be a hot mess. AND GUESS WHAT! That’s bloody okay!! I totally get the whole raising awareness for anxiety, being strong, getting through it etc but there’s nothing wrong just BEING what you feel. There’s something empowering I think about just letting it all hang out. Just being present with your emotions, being like YEAH I am an absolutely hot mess and I am crying at an advert or thinking about how I should of told that boy to sod off about 3 years before you actually did AND THATS OKAY!

Be the hottest mess you need to be. I ain’t judging anyone.

Happy Blipping.