Not the ?stand-in? I was hoping for ?

I used to pretend that I wasn't afraid of spiders. It made me feel cool - like I was braver than most people. If someone called me on my bluff and asked me to dispose of a spider, I would put on my battle-face and do my best to get rid of it without letting the panic bubble to the surface.

I don't pretend anymore.

I HATE spiders. Spiders are like little pieces of death wrapped in scary.

Spiders are fucking scary. That is a universal truth. I don't know why. I don't need to know why. All I know is when I see one come crawling around, my brain interprets it like it's a little demon with a swastika and the words "I KILL YOU" carved into its flesh and it has knives and guns strapped to its legs. That's how scary spiders are.

This 2 foot long monster (I'm not joking) jump out at me with a machete while I was in the shower.

Suffice it to say I did not finish showering... and I may have blown the top of the house off with my loud screams and reduced my son to tears because he thought Mommy was being murdered.

The spider did not die easily and its death will probably be avenged in some fashion by its clone army, but for now it is gone. But for now, I'm trying to repress.

Oh how I miss the boyfriend when he's away. *Sigh*