Maudlin

No classes today as all teenagers are allowed out of their homes for the first time for weeks, so, after my 9am meeting, a day of "leisure" loomed ahead. And thus ends week nine of living alone in lockdown, and week eight of online teaching from home, closing with, unfortunately, a day of uncharacteristically low spirits that even my afternoon walkabout feeding campus cats and photographing wild flowers, didn't shift.  

I realize that today, being 15th, is exactly two months until I am contractually obliged to leave my home here on campus with all my worldly goods and cats, and yet I can't do anything about packing, shipping, or preparing Harry for travel - knowing that Gentle, who continues to be very, very poorly, isn't, nor is he likely to be, well enough to come with me.  I  don't even know if I will be able to travel either to Akbuk or Essex by mid-July. 

So what then? 

I am well aware that in comparison to millions of other folk living through this pandemic, I am in many ways, 'lucky'. In fact the guilt from knowing that just exacerbates my maudlin mood but today I am indulging in this miserable mention as a bookmark of some of my gloomier moments, even when surrounded by flowers and friends. 

Thank you for listening,