" The Blood Floweth " ............
............... a true-life drama by BikerBear.
A back garden in deepest, flattest Lincolnshire UK.
The Cast – Main Characters:
A 5’2” woman, by the name of Anni, dressed (sort of) appropriately ;
An 8’ stepladder ;
A large, very overgrown clematis (see extra #1 – centre right next to the kitchen window) ;
A pair of sharp secateurs ;
Extras on set:
A wheelie bin ;
Two black, plastic dustbins ;
A grass rake ;
A stiff broom ;
Setting the scene:
Our main character, Anni, is renovating her garden and has decided, on a whim, to cut down the overgrown clematis – albeit the weather is inclement – chilly and drizzly.
She is happily cutting, pulling and untwining the tendrils and stems from the trellis and supports, singing a little ditty
“ I’m snipping in the rain, snipping in the rain, what a wonderful (not) feeeeling getting soakkkked to the skin ….” (those of a certain age will remember Gene Kelly and his umbrella).
All is going pretty well.
Fast forward approximately three hours – Anni’s had about enough and it’s starting to get really chilly, she climbs down the ladder, leaving the secateurs on the top step.
Enter the grass rake and the stiff broom, stage left – they go about their tasks, scraping and sweeping so that all the fallen leaves, twigs etc. can be deposited within our other three extras.
Anni tidily puts the two black bins close to the house, goes to tilt and fold up the stepladder and “ay caramba” – the secateurs slide off, hitting Anni on her noggin and fall to the grass.
“Sh*t” shouts Anni as she bends down to pick them up, thinking “stupid woman, you forgot they were there – duh”.
She puts said secateurs on top of wheelie bin and goes to rub her head – blood, blood, glorious blood (yet another sort-of song) is running out of a crater (big exaggeration) in her head and down her forehead.
She runs into the house, Himself is engrossed in some History Channel stuff and barely looks up until Anni cries out dramatically, “I am deceasing, deceasing, I tell you – my brains are oozing out” (anyone who’s met Anni will know that this is true – she does like a joke) – to be fair, seeing the blood did make him take a LOT of notice – he actually looked away from the TV ….. > smile < ….. closer investigation showed a deepish cut but not so deep that Anni is prepared to let Himself take her to the hospital to shave that bit of her head to stitch it up.
Reams of paper towel and a cup of tea brought this sorry saga to a close.
The blood stopped flowing about 15 minutes later and Anni (obviously) went and took a photo for
No Smile for the Day as I'm sure this saga made you smile a little!!
~ Anni ~
In the spirit of honesty the main photo was taken yesterday, as was the first extra but extra #2 was taken early this morning (Sunday).