OhMyDearestLove, You knew it! That one day after You left so unexpectedly I would find the Flowertrails showing Your Way into Paradise. Or call it Your Secret Garden. Perhaps You gave me hints last springtime. Not only telling me: Look now, look over here. Don’t go by too hastily. As You pulled my arm. Perhaps also because You felt that lack of energy, that failing of vital force now and then. Sudenly in fear of running out of time. Of never reaching that delicious moment of being able to rest after completing Your Heavy Gardenwork. And enjoy it.
As it came to be my job now to do the elementary clearing away of last years autumn and winter remnants. I’m learning every day. Discovering in awe. Silenced in sorrow and pain by an accidental find. Your new pair of long gardengloves, put aside on a woodpile, fallen down, left behind unnoticed for eight, nine months. The white linen with flowermotives weathered into mossy grey-green. You , still thinking to pause for a moment, not forever.
Of course You would be back to pick them up, to pick All Things up, like we all usually do, picking up yesterdays threads where we lay them to rest: its been enough for today. The book we put aside, the bookmark between the pages. You knew that story told by bookmarks, yellowed clippings, notesheets full of meaningless scribbles. You found them and collected them from these left behind books, sold to a secondhandbookseller. I can still hear You say: So Sad after one dies All Things fall apart….
And indeed, in a sense thats partly what I am doing now: recollect things fallen apart, left behind, gathering and taking care of the orphanised things, including myself. But You still give me a hand. I’m not left behind without help. Because in these sudden Springtimedays Your Invisible Hands show me Your dreamy lustfull pathway into Your Little Paradise. Again I was stunned to discover Your Hidden Treasures. I had to do that clearing job first. And then I saw!....Unbelievable. This Secret Garden of Yours all the way up to Your Wild Flowerbed just below Our Hut. I bet You knew You left me no choice. I must continue what You started here . I love to see it growing with Your Beautiful Eyes of Invisible Love. And You will Love it too.