Why did I come in here?

By Bootneck

The eyes have it

Have you ever wondered what the Optician is looking for when examining the lenses of your varifocal glasses? I have, and here it is. My left eye is not as good as my right. 

There is a fox you may never have heard about. You won’t find it in David Attenborough’s collection of animal lists. 
The Fox of Forkhill, a tiny village in Northern Ireland was a bit of a problem, according to the men based there at the time, you see, he was the boss. One evening he decided to accompany his chaps on a routine patrol, stopping vehicles and checking ID etc. It was dangerous territory as the IRA deemed themselves the actual owners and rulers of this beautiful patch of ground. Landing outside the base was a squeaky bottom moment as the aircraft was totally exposed to incoming fire.
Off went our brave men, led by their leader, tally ho! After a few hours of disrupting the traffic flow, shining torches in faces etc they returned to base. 
The next evening the boss declared to the troop Sergeant that he could remain at the base, HE, would lead that evenings patrol. No big thing, but the lads knew from experience that this had the ingredients for a screw up. As dark fell, they prepared themselves and their weapons, loaded up they hit the street. When they reached their objective the boss told everybody that he would stop the first car. “You go for it pal” ran through ten minds. 
As a vehicle approached the boss strode out into the road, switched on the torch taped to his rifle and aimed at the approaching vehicle, whilst moving his rifle up and down a few inches to indicate to the driver that he should stop, a very familiar occurrence. Fortunately the Mick driver, let’s call him Paddy, slowed to a halt then erupted in giggles, accompanied by the Marines. 
In order to use a torch and rifle in conjunction you need a straight torch, like a Maglite. The boss had not considered this and had taped a right angle service torch to his rifle. Consequently he was happily illuminating his boots as the car came towards him. 
One of the Marines was immediately promoted to ‘car stopper in chief’ while the newly crowned Fox of Forkhill, stalked about, steaming red with embarrassment. It took all of 45 minutes for the signallers at Forkhill to get that one all over the Province. 

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