Thirteen.

We were all taken aback at breakfast time when, after eighteen months of unintelligible burbling, my son Mekon suddenly uttered an entire sentence. (It was only 6 words, but we were thrilled. Even the dog looked amazed.)

What's that you say? How lovely for me to have a toddler? Well read on.....

Mekon is my eldest. He's 16. Until two years ago, he was a sunny, chatty child, full of hugs and fun. Then, practically the day after his 14th birthday, he turned monosyllabic, nocturnal and pretty much feral. He communicates through the medium of grunts, sighs, eye-rolling, dirty dishes and dreadful smells. If he's forced to ask me something, he'll WhatsApp from the iPhone which he's had grafted to his right hand.

I'd love to tell you that this morning's words to us were deeply beautiful pearls that I can hold in my heart forever. Perhaps some gratitude towards his loving parents and (less loving) sister, or even a few affectionate bon mots for the dog.....

But no. What he actually said was - ''So. Has gran copped off yet?''

It's not Shakespeare, but it's a start.


Horribilis eleifend as anyone who's ever had one would agree....