In limbo

What a strange day it's been. Physically, I've felt as if our house was hanging in a cloud above the town - the fog has thickened as darkness 
fell and now the supermarket car park lights are but a hazy glow in the gloom. I couldn't really concentrate on much this morning, because our messenger app with the choir was pinging madly as we shared details of the mitigations in place for tomorrow's carol service. Then there was another flurry, this time of phone calls, as our family returned from collecting a puppy that seems from the photos to be a potential agent for change in my attitude to dogs - here's hoping I get to meet him over Christmas while he's still small! 

In the midst of all that, I felt I could at least tick something off, rather like blipper Sally, and made cranberry sauce, which I'm blipping because it's a darn sight more cheerful than the view of the fog. As well as eating it with turkey, we're very partial to having it with venison fillet, which is our traditional dinner on Hogmanay. I did not, however, get the length of doing anything about the Christmas tree, other than making a death-defying trip up the loft ladder (that bit was ok) and down carrying the box of decorations. (I've not lost my nerve yet!)

As I contemplate giving up on the day by making dinner and collapsing in front of the telly, I can't help reflecting on the stress of this time of year, created by hope and expectation and apprehension. There have always been tensions in my life among the me that is a singer, the me that is a mother (and now a grandmother) and the me that is a Domestic Goddess (part-time), and there have always been huge opportunities for the disruption caused by illness, or bad weather - but goodness, they sure feel worse than ever this year. Last year we had no expectation after mid-December; hope is much harder to live with than resignation. There have been times when I've wondered what it would be like to spend Christmas on retreat, contemplating only the mystery ...

LTD test negative, despite hypochondria.