Potheads and Maltgeezers...

Yet again, I have been forced to participate in a grand tour of Speyside and its associated watering holes.


Deciding to go off piste slightly, I ordered a latte at one of the distilleries, and a very churlish fellow brought me a black coffee instead.

'Excuse me,' I said, 'I asked for a latte, but this is a black coffee.'

'No, it's a latte,' said Mr Charm.

'Well it's not, is it. A latte is mostly hot milk with a coffee carefully poured on top, thereby producing a beautifully striated beverage.'

He wasn't impressed with my rhetoric.

'We ran out of milk. It's still a latte though.'

I was starting to get irritated. 'How can it be a LATTE, without the main component, ie the bloody LATTE???'

'Because,' he said, barely bothering to conceal his contempt, 'I pressed the button marked 'latte'. Ergo, it's a latte!'

It wasn't until I threatened to snap his name badge in two, that he tottered off to god knows where and returned with an egg cup full of cold milk.

'There,' he said, having clearly marked me down as a 'difficult customer', 'that's a proper latte that is.' And off he shuffled to make a pot of (presumably tealess) tea for some other unsuspecting victim.....