TheOttawacker

By TheOttawacker

In what sort of world...?

In a vain effort to keep my hips relatively mobile (if I don't do it, I walk like C3PO in Star Wars), I subject myself to a matinal walk around the block, wincing with every step and cursing my wife for being so beautiful that I wanted to settle down in Canada with her. On these walks, I occasionally see things of interest, things of beauty, and things that make me go "WTF?" out loud.

This was one of those. 

At first, I thought it was the thing it is supposed to deter, i.e., a rather large dog turd. You might therefore be surprised to learn I investigated further (when I put it like that, so am I). In fact, it was a subtle - perhaps subliminal - message reminding people that pooing on lawns in general, and on this person's lawn in particular, was not welcome. Fair enough, some people put "Vote Conservative" signs up, so who am I to criticize?.

Then I got to wondering in my former-communications-worker brain: what was the target audience here?

I mean, let's face it. If the person who put this there had wanted to really ram the message home, he or she would have made it bigger: a billboard perhaps - or at least big enough to be seen by cars passing by. They might have added a banner to their house: "Dog Turds Not Welcome Here!" (with the exclamation mark only permitted because of the subject (fecal) matter). But he or she has gone with a subtle, more restrained reminder to the pedestrian perambulator.

Which doesn't really answer the question, does it (assuming that people have not been doing drive-by turd bombings of the lawn, besmirching the green space with unwelcome fecal manure)? Why would you put this sign out? Surely, if it is aimed at humans, the image would either be of a person crouching (I like to imagine Boris Johnson in this case) or would be somewhat more threatening in nature. I mean, any human who lets his or her dog defecate on someone else's grass without clearing it up (and this is almost unheard of in my neighbourhood, I must confess) is hardly likely to not allow his or her dog to crap on someone else's grass because of a sign like this. I mean, that sort of person is most likely a serial killer anyway, or at least a tax inspector, so it would just encourage them to do it even more. "Here Dorries! Good girl! Here's a good lawn."

So it must be meant for the dogs. Now I am an admirer of most things canine - even if my inclination lies more with the other side. But if dogs have this hitherto-unheard-of level of intelligence, then I might have to reassess my position. If dogs can see this sign and understand that they are not to do the crouch-and-crap, then I am impressed. My question would then be, why limit it to this? Why not put up signs exhorting the dog to do it in a specific place? "Dorries, go and do it at number 143. Good dog."

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