Weather! Get a bloody grip!

Dear Weather,

Re. Your poor Performance

It is 3 degrees outside and I have just waved my son off to school in not only torrential rain but sleet! Yes, sleet! It's the middle of May, yes that's right MAY! What are you bloody well playing at?!

Now I'm not a sun worshipper and I'm well aware of the dangers of over exposure to the yellow thing in the sky, which is but a distant memory from a bygone age, but FFS, geez a break. I'm in danger of contracting trench foot here!

Now, I'm giving you the time it takes for me to hand-wash all last night's dinner dishes bloody broken dishwasher! to get your act together, or else!

Don't piss me about now as I've started the 5:2 Diet and today is my first fasting day so you don't want to mess with me!

Now I have repaired the hole in the elbow of my swimming costume and I've looked out the factor 50 so you have one hour....do you hear me? ONE hour to pull yourself together and turn on the sun or I will be forced to take drastic action.

You have been warned.

Now get on it! Arse.

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Pissed-off-from-Perthshire