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I texted Secondborn on her birthday today through tears of gratitude to the midwives who resuscitated her 32 years ago and to her for somehow giving life a go when it really looked like she wouldn't. I cannot imagine my life without her and I know how very, very lucky I am.

She texted me back, through her own tears, to tell me it was 33 years ago.

Ah. Well I'm lucky that she can laugh at me.

I know that some people reading this are not so lucky and I have tears for you too.

In the UK, 13 families a day, one baby in every 150, dies before, during or within 4 weeks of birth.

I spoke with a lot of bereaved parents after Secondborn's birth. I spoke with people whose friends avoided them because they didn't know what to say. I spoke with fathers whose family asked how their wife was doing as if men don't hurt. I spoke with parents who were tongue-tied, a decade later, when someone asked them how many children they had.

I know you don't begrudge me my child, however old she is, but I feel for yours and for you.


Taken during the hour of her birthday we spent together.