My Happy Place...

Backblip

Starting Secondary School was a big deal for me. It meant leaving behind a small village primary school where everyone knew everyone and being bussed to a large comperhensive in a town about 4 miles away. Not that far really but to a shy, uncertain 11 year old me, it might just as well have been 100 miles away.

The journey to school took me past this beautiful rolling meadow with the large, lonesome tree plonked right in the middle.

From almost the first day, as the school bus whizzed along, I was captivated by this tree. Inside my stomach would be churning with nerves at the thought of another day in my new school that seemed so huge and impersonal, full of children and teachers I didn't know and potential situations that I wouldn't have a clue how to deal with, but as soon as I saw the meadow and the big tree, my insides would be calm and I knew I'd be ok.

Even to this day I can't fathom why it should have such a calming effect on me. All I know is that now, as then, that tree feels like an old friend and just seeing it makes me feel incredibly safe.

Under that tree is where I went in my head during the most physically painful moments of Alan's birth, and afterwards during some of the emotionally painful moments post birth. It's where I was lying when I held my mum's hand as her breath slowly left her and where I lay as I recovered from a very painful knee op in 2010.

Originally the branches of the tree hung so low they trailed on the ground then one day about 10 years ago the farmer chopped off the lower boughs and branches. I was devastated and outraged when I saw what he had done. I'm sure there were sound reasons for his doing this but to me my beautiful tree had been violated and hurt. I actually cried and even now when I think about it and as I type this, my eyelashes are wet with tears.

Thankfully the brutal trim did nothing to diminish the power this lovely tree has over me and I love it as much now as I did as a child.

I have never had the pleasure of actually going in the field and visiting my special tree (it's on a fairly busy road with no stopping places) but lying on the soft earth underneath her swaying branches in dappled sunlight is my happy place and one day I hope to experience it for real.

Today all I could do was grab a quick snap as we whizzed past in the car on our way to Ele's for a BBQ but it was enough. For now.

:)