Blue

Rather like a dentist’s appointment when you have toothache, I arrive at Urology with the feeling of dread together with by a sense of relieved inevitability; yes, it’s likely to hurt, but surely anything is better than the pain that I’m in now. 

And - with the exception of the inevitable pain of the actual catheter change - the whole experience is far more positive than I’d feared. I’m shown to my cubicle to be greeted by Jenny, the ward sister, who says she remembers me immediately - even though it’s 43 years since I was her form tutor when she first arrived in high  school. ‘You were so kind and so calm, and I was so nervous - you made me feel so much better,’ she tells me. It’s always nice when ex-pupils remember you, and it’s wonderful to know you’ve made a difference to a young person’s experience. 

I’m feeling really nauseous this morning, and end up nearly fainting - it’s the first time this has happened, but at least I’m in the right place! They help me onto the ‘bed’ allowing me to lie there until my procedure; blood pressure, temp etc are checked again, water drunk etc, and gradually I feel better. 

I’m left to ‘recover’ post procedure, given tea and a ‘snack bag’ of banana, orange juice and lemon drizzle cake - and as I’m now feeling much better, it’s the latter I pounce on first! My local TB nurse comes to see me, organises my fortnightly blood tests, and Wendy, my nurse today, performs the blood tests to save me going to phlebotomy. Jenny goes  to pharmacy to get the meds prescribed to treat my bladder spasms - again to save me  the trouble. 

Without a doubt this has been a very positive NHS experience- the antithesis of that experienced at the end of May. I think it’s always better once you’re ‘in the system’ rather than in emergency care, but maybe Jenny’s treating her ex-teacher with preferential care! As she says when I profusely thank her, ‘It’s my turn to look after you now.’ 

So, now fitted with a latex rather than a silicon catheter, I’m so much more comfortable. I can’t believe the difference this has made, and kick myself for just accepting the pain of recent weeks. 

Back home, I find I am exhausted by my hospital visit and just want to sleep, so it’s a lazy afternoon.  I wander briefly into the garden once or twice looking for inspiration, though other than bees, there’s little to inspire, and my macro shots are pretty awful. About to give up hope, a tiny blue flits past me. Rare visitors to our garden, I’ve seen a few do this recently - flying past but never stopping. Today, however, this tiny creature decides to land on the ivy on our garden fence, high up and hard to reach.  My macro lens is far from ideal in this capture, but it’s all I’ve got as I know she’ll only stop for seconds, so I clamber carefully into the border and just manage to get a quick shot before she flies off elsewhere. Far from my best butterfly shot, but she’s my blip today.