Thursday

Walked up to therapy as usual but today I was getting more and more dissociative as I walked and by the time I got there I was confused, everything was happening in slow motion and my head felt so floppy.  She tried to get me to explain what I was feeling not thinking, that was hard. I ended up sitting on the floor in the corner as I felt safer like that after seeing 'him' out the corner of my eye. At one point I hit my head on the wall, but managed to stop myself doing it anymore. I knew where I was, who she was but I just couldn't have a conversation . I know exactly why this was happening but I couldn't articulate it . I managed to tell her about the man in the corner of my eye and who he was. She asked a few questions about that appt but I just couldn't bring myself to talk about it. 
She got me to explain what way I was going to walk home, as I refused to get the bus as she wanted. 
I did get home  a few hours later passing these workmen on the north bridge. 
It is now 7.30pm and I don't know what I have done since I got home, and just realised I haven't eaten all day.