without becoming pictures

By lani

everything i love is out to sea

A dear friend recently told me a lovely story of how I inspired a friend of his to join Blipfoto and subsequently blossom her passion for (and career in?) photography. Of course, as he's telling me this story (in service of making me feel more like a human being -- I'll explain in a moment), I realize I haven't posted a photo or even taken a photo worth posting in months.

I won't regale you with all of the surreal and painful details, but suffice it to say that my life is very different now than it was when you last heard from me. I have 100% more jobs and 100% fewer boyfriends, are the primary life-altering changes, plus I'm slightly uprooted, short on time and shorter on cash, feeling rejected and embraced, and rethinking the future in ways I haven't in a very, very long time.

Some days, my life feels laid out beautifully right in front of me, all bright light and opportunity. Some days, I can't understand how I could have possibly let any of this happen and what I'll do next. Some days, I'm completely squeamish or very sad, imagining things about him I wish I didn't. Some days, I imagine an as-yet-indeterminate someone else who will effortlessly remind me of that first "some days."

The good news is that I'm 30 and alive and intellectually curious and funny and according to the people around me, pretty great. For reasons I haven't yet been able to understand, I suspect it will be immensely important to a future iteration of me that I cataloged this chapter* of my life. So onward, right?

*editor's note: almost wrote "semester" there

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