So, I don't know if it's just the post-uni blues, or the weather, or the fact that I've been sitting at home not doing much but my mood over the past few days has been teetering. I guess if I had to use one word it would be reluctant. About anything and everything.
To be honest I don't think it's been the lack of activity - I've been trying to fend off this feeling for a while. And I don't think it's the rain. If anything, I find that a comfort.
I've been crying, and most of the time I don't know why. Although I guess that's when I know exactly why it is. But I'm either trying to ignore it, or realising that I do it to myself (I do).
Also, I think frustration and annoyance are a part of it. I can't exercise because of my stupid ankle, and I got used to a type of quiet that you just can't get in London. Here, there's always something grating. When the pigeons have shut up and the traffic has died down and there are no children in the neighbours' garden - even then, the goddamn house won't stay still!
Something could cheer me up, but that thing's not possible right now. Bit of a vicious cycle, maybe.
I guess tomorrow is another day, but it's one of those moods where you don't want another day, you just want time to stop. I don't want to do anything, and hate being alone with my thoughts (or lackthereof) and no adequate distractions, but at the same time I don't want to see anyone, and I don't want to do anything. I want time to stop. Some days you just get into the shower and hope a part of you will drown, and you'll emerge gasping for air with a new lease of life.
To make matters worse, there's no wine in the house!
Focusing on my impending adventures, though. And potentially a trip to Leam. As soon as possible, please.
- Canon EOS 600D