without becoming pictures

By lani

and i have to face july with two holes in my heart

Yesterday was tough. So tough, in fact, that I missed a day of blipping even after having been so motivated to return in the first place. Mercifully, I got a great deal of cathartic tears and anger out of the way, so while I went to bed feeling like a huge weight lay on my chest, I woke up feeling a little more like myself.

I was fine, I really was. I was forward-focused and future-leaning and feeling strong and confident, but the past week has taught me a very, very hard lesson: that these days are going to be long, there is no "right way" to move forward, and this process is not about to be over yet.

The good news is that with each new day, we move closer and closer to Fall and sometimes, that is enough to make me feel like whatever's next must be the Right Thing. It's still July, of course, but in just the right light, the Japanese Maple predicts something that I can only hope for.

And so I hope.

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