Rinse, repeat...

Relationships continue to remain a complete evasive mystery to me.

The other day, I had referenced a “burgeoning relationship” and with tongue firmly in cheek remarked that in so referencing, I had probably placed the kiss of death upon it. Turns out that the maxim of “many a true word spoken in jest” also works well here as the relationship that I was referring to has now drawn to a permanent stop.

The children are with me tomorrow and so for the fourth time (for them), they will receive another “sorry kids, it didn’t work out” discussion from me. I’m so annoyed with myself. I hate the fact that on top of the failure of their parent’s marriage, they have all had to bear witness to their father repeatedly trying and failing to find a lasting, loving relationship. It can’t be good for them and it is not the example I wanted to set.

So, “the cycle” will reset. I’ll go away and lick my wounds, I’ll readjust to single life and for a while I’ll be just fine, but will then start to yearn for the company of another and…..well, we all know how this goes by now….

Who knows? Maybe this time I can break the cycle and find another path to contentment that doesn’t involve someone else by my side? Yeah, I don’t believe that either!

In the meantime, it is back to remaining present and living for the day, which in turn will enable continued forward momentum. 

All this will pass.

To those of you who are in committed, long-term, loving relationships: how do you do that?! How does it work?!