Decision

Up at ridiculous o'clock to head to London.

There were quite a few tears on the train up.

As I was getting to the office the clown was getting out of a taxi. I walked straight passed him without any acknowledgement.

I had to speak to one of my team when I logged in. She was supposed to come into the office for a half-year chat with me, but luckily her flight back was delayed so she said she was going to be late. I shared my news with her, she started to cry.

Heidi our receptionist came across to talk to me as she could see I was quite upset. She wants my young padawan to get a job and I work for her. It would be my pleasure.

I wandered out then with our MD of our high speed business to talk about the role he wants me to do. We've worked together previously at Hanson, so he knows I can do it. I've been honest though, my heart is no longer with this business and I can't do a job half heartedly just to give me more redundancy money and time to find another job. I'm either 100% in or nothing. He was disappointed but has now put me in touch with his sister who runs a sustainability consultancy.

My young padawan messaged me to see how I was. I told her I was not in a good place, she said she was going to come in. I want to protect her mental health from the negativity that surrounds me, so we agreed that we would chat on the phone. As always we talked for ages and I wandered around the park quite a few times. She lifted my spirits and that's what I will miss.

My Head of H&S had a meeting with the clown in the morning, so after I came back from chatting to my young padawan we went out. The clown doesn't get h&s and is just paying lip service to it. The business doesn't deserve to keep my head of h&s.

When I got back to the office two of my team had decided to come in. They were both due to come in for a half-year chat but i said not to bother, but they wanted to see me. We had a good talk about things and the both of them won't be staying around for too much longer. We had hugs before they both left. They gave me a card and a gift voucher. I cried at the comments in the card.

Heidi the receptionist said goodbye and as I don't know whether I would see her again, she gave me a hug.

After work my head of h&s went for a pint together. I had a zero guinness. As his train wasn't until 11:30pm I took him for fish and chips near my hotel. Yummy!

I was thinking of going out to see a play but in the end I settled down to watch the football and England v Sweden in the women's Euros. England were hopeless and 2-0 down within 20 minutes. Luckily they equalised with two goals in two minutes very late in the game. The game was won on penalties in the end, but the penalties from both sides were pretty shocking. With England's comeback and win I messaged my young padawan. She was over the moon.

Today I am thankful for:

1. My young padawan lifting my spirits
2. Catching up with two of my team and getting hugs
3. A good honest conversation with our MD
4. A good catch up with my head of h&s
5. A good pint and fish and chips
6. A good England win on penalties